Can I meet a decent honest foreign woman online?

The simple answer? Absolutely! Think about it, these days there are literally hundreds of thousands of foreign women, on hundreds of different websites, aggressively marketing themselves to foreign men. So logistically speaking it would be virtually impossible for ALL of these ladies to be scammers. Right? I know it may seem that way sometimes, that every other foreign lady you meet online these days is pushing you to send her money for English classes, or buy her baby’s corrective shoes, or pay for her grandmother’s life threatening brain surgery, all the while dousing you with false affection and swearing that you are the perfect man for her… but ironically at the same time stubbornly refusing to give you something as totally harmless as her personal contact information. With her claiming that; “It isn’t safe, or proper” Wait a minute, let me make sure I’ve got this straight, you’re on a supposed foreign dating website, and it’s ok for the women to pose publicly in their underwear to attract foreign men, but it’s not ok for them to give you personal contact information? You know, so you can actually arrange a date??? Hogwash! I would instantly dump that lady and run the other way as fast as you can. But all this considered I assure you there are still tons of good girls to be found online. However there is a catch, and it’s a big one. Especially when you consider the outrageous cost of online communication on most these sites.

The hook with online or “virtual” dating, which when you think about it with a clear head is a laughable misnomer all by itself because physically you simply cannot really “date” someone online, is that in order to find a traditional “good girl” on the internet you have to spend hundreds, if not thousands of dollars, to wade through a sizable army of lovely shapely, sexy, feminine, but highly skilled and very convincing, cold hearted blood sucking vampires. Most of whom use false affection, in my opinion no differently than a back alley burglar with a crow bar jimmying a window, to skillfully pry open a lonely man’s wallet and empty its contents. Not only that but I assure you that quite a few lovely foreign prostitutes, internet whores as I affectionately refer to them, working gals just trying to make a buck who usually spend most their evenings on a darkened street corner or hanging around outside a hotel entrance, with a straight razor and a purse full of industrial strength condoms, are now working online. To their sheer delight internet whores have discovered they can actually make a helluva lot MORE money online by keeping their clothes on and NOT having sex with a client. As long as they can find a lonely foreign man, a sucker for a pretty face and a nice body, like you, who is maybe a little less than cautious with his money. And his common sense.

Rest assured boys the one thing all these bad girls have in common, the Vampires and Orcs, pro-daters, visa vultures, and internet whores, is that they will empty your wallet without a second thought, laughing all the way to the bank, or the mall, and then dump you like a cold dog turd the moment your generosity begins to wane. The question is; do you really want to fall in love online, with a total stranger, thousands of miles away, without first meeting her face to face to determine if she fits in this category? These things considered before you spend even one penny on ANY of these sites don’t you think it’s a good idea to do a little soul searching and maybe ask yourself four simple questions; why did I go to that site to begin with? What do I hope to accomplish? What am I willing to spend? (Can I get a second mortgage on my house if this thing gets out of hand?) And, are my expectations realistic?

Aside from being married to three foreign women myself over the last 35 years, and working inside the mail order bride-international romance industry for the last 15 years now, I know what many of you beginners are thinking. “This online romance stuff is easy, I’ll get half a dozen of these foreign gals on the hook before I even plan a trip, and when I get there I’ll have my choice….”

The question of course is, exactly who has who on the hook?

For several years now, with me right in the middle, more often than not stirring up the pot of concern and discontent with my controversial Youtube videos, the public battle has raged about who is really to blame here for all the online deception and fraud; the individual women? Or the companies and the people who own and operate these virtual dating websites. Many of whom not only appear to be coaching the women on how to deceive you, but actually training them, paying them for pretending to like you, and giving them a vast global interlinked platform from which to operate.

Actually there is one other option we’ve not yet discussed, certainly not in any depth, but better buckle your seatbelts boys because I’m about to get into to it right now. Is there just a slight remote possibility that the men themselves, YOU, are indirectly responsible for the explosion in the online electronic affection industry? You know, supply & demand and all that stuff. Is it possible you’re looking for instant gratification when it comes to love and romance, and the companies and the foreign woman know that and are just giving you what you want? Because the foreign women you meet online appear on the surface to be immediately interested, so pliable and willing, maybe you think this click through digital foreign romance stuff will be as quick’n easy as instant oats. Or are you secretly thinking, or hoping, that because these gorgeous ladies come from poor countries maybe they’ll have lowered expectations in the man department, not so demanding as domestic babes, so maybe you can just whip out your credit card and actually buy your way into a relationship….

I’ve done a lot of serious brain work about this hot topic over the last few years, with mortar rounds, and law suits, exploding in fireballs all around me, and I must admit as an industry insider, and a natural born devoted born again capitalist, my perspective is rapidly beginning to change. Yes I’m a lifetime volunteer consumer advocate, always fighting for the little guy, sticking my neck out for the underdog, but last time I checked we still have an open marketplace in this country where everyone has free will, even lonely bachelors like you. Meaning theoretically the consumer is supposed to control the integrity of the marketplace and the quality of the end product. In other words, they can’t sell it, unless you buy it. Bottom line, it’s your money fellas and you get to decide how to spend it. Or not.

To get to the point here. If so many of these foreign women online can’t be trusted then why is this online electronic affection business still so lucrative for the unscrupulous women and the owners of the dishonest sites who give them a platform from which to operate? I actually know of several dating sites in Colombia, run by Colombians, that are totally fraudulent. Meaning there isn’t one real Latina on the entire site! But the owners of this site are making more money than they know what to do with. So why is this electronic affection industry so successful? Simple. Because YOU, the men, the consumers, are allowing your loneliness to overpower your common sense. Look, I understand completely, we’ve all been there and I know from personal experience that loneliness, especially when it’s brought on by a lack of quality female companionship, can be like a cancer eating you from the inside out. The pain of loneliness is almost physical. Still in way too many cases, in your almost desperate effort to make contact with foreign women, many of you out there are being amazingly, frighteningly, foolish with your money. Tossing your hard earned cash around at total strangers, as if it was confetti during election time, and many of you do this without expecting anything in return. Not just by the ludicrous amount of money you spend just “Chatting” with these ladies, but also by believing their fabricated sob stories and sending them cash by Western Union, or buying overpriced gifts and flowers, that may or may not ever arrive.

Important question to ask yourself; would you do these same things, and spend this kind of money, on women from your own country, whom you had yet to meet?

While you’re mulling that over let me tell you a quick story. About an American man from Miami, seemingly sane and mature, at least on the surface, who actually married an average looking gal from Colombia, but with a nice body and a serious shopping addiction, who refused to kiss him, refused to have sex, even refused to hold his hand in public. No I swear I am not making this up. And according to him, no, she wasn’t a lesbian. At least, it never mentioned that in her profile.

I met this man personally when I lived in Medellin, he’d heard of me and come to me to help him find a wife, and he told me this story, without blinking, seemingly unashamed at himself for being such an obvious schmuck, knowing full well that Colombian Latinas are globally famous for their insatiable sexual appetite. I listened quietly to a bizarre story of how he met Miss Cali on one of the admittedly questionable virtual dating websites, telling me; “I Googled them and they had a terrible reputation, but I thought what the hell…” and he went on to explain how he spent well over $20,000 on this one foreign woman while still in her country, aggressively pursuing her, obsessing about her. Then when she finally caved in and agreed to a first meeting he immediately began romancing her with flamboyant dates, dinners, gifts, shopping trips, per her insistence at the most expensive shops in Cali. Also he explained how over a period of 6 months he blindly continued trudging into the face of ultimate failure, but finally; “convinced her to fill out the visa paperwork…” Convinced? Or bribed? I wondered quietly. Then he told me how he eventually brought her to Miami, and married her. Before the light bulb finally flicked on, and even at that point, from my perspective anyway sitting across from him and listening to this unbelievable story, suitable for a late night reality show, that mental light bulb obviously provided little illumination. In his own words this older gentleman, grossly overweight, dressed like a clown, most his hair gone, bad teeth, smelling heavily of body odor, and obviously not in good health, claiming to be 59 years old, but easily passing for 75, with one foot already firmly planted in the grave, told me how the greedy insensitive scheming 30 year old Cali lady, kept promising that they would have sex after they were married. “After” I could hear her repeating over and over, “AFTER!”

Well it was after their marriage, with him still sleeping on the downstairs couch in his own upscale Miami beachfront condo, without even so much as a blanket, and her lounging on the king sized mattress in the master bedroom upstairs, with a nice ocean view, that it finally occurred to him that she hadn’t said exactly how long after their marriage he would get a little sexual satisfaction from his blushing bride. At this late date he realized that it was quite possible his chaste little Cali gal might be actually saving herself for her second husband. At that point everything, finally, snapped together, like a geriatric Rubik’s cube, click, click, click, the mystery was solved and he jumped up off the couch, dressed, and drove his golf cart, (I made that part up about the golf cart but clearly imagined it) down to the immigrations office and as he put it; “Turned the bitch in….”

Huh? Turned her in for what? For tolerating this man’s amazing stupidity.

According to him, clearly the victim in this weird self inflicted drama, by the time he got back to his house the shapely shady lady from Cali, thankfully, was gone. By now I’m biting my tongue to keep from laughing, hard enough to draw blood, and I’m guessing of course but I would say the only reason the girl from Cali didn’t get a U-Haul and clean the poor clueless bastard out, was because she hadn’t been in-country long enough to get her driver’s license.

Finally I could hold back no longer and just asked him; “Why did you pursue this woman so relentlessly? If a Latina likes you she lets you know, you should know that. And anyway by Cali standards this lady is a little less than average. So what’s all the fuss?”

He blushed noticeably, looked away, and in a hushed voice admitted to me, and to himself;

“She had a really nice body.”

Ok, I got it. Looking at her thong bathing suit shots he still had squirreled away in his I-Phone I had to agree with him on that, she was a fleshy little vixen, but worth $50,000 and not even getting to touch her? Nope, sorry.

Here’s the kicker, and real the moral to the story. All this happened only a month prior to my meeting this man, he was already back in Colombia, in Medellin this time, with a higher balance on his credit cards I imagined, and after telling this humiliating story was instantly clicking through files on his I-Phone showing me all the pictures of the smoking hot Colombian model types he was already “Dating” in Medellin, the City of Eternal Spring. Breathing heavily, almost panting, he would comment on each girls picture; “What about this one? Waddaya think of her? Here’s another one I’m seeing, she’s really hot, but I’m not sure if she likes me or not….”

And all the while I’m nodding my head politely, smiling, and thinking to myself; This guy should not be allowed to go out of his house without a helmet, and a chaperone.

Sorry to be so blunt fellas but it’s time for you to come back down here with the rest of us on planet Earth and accept a little cold hard reality. First off you have to understand that these are all VERY poor countries and although the money you’re spending online may seem like chump change to you, in her country, where the average hourly wage might be $2 an hour, that $100 you just sent her by Western Union, supposedly to pay her electric bill, or for English classes, or for a new coat so she won’t freeze to death on her way to church… or a whole host of other needs and essentials, that may or may not be real, is a good two weeks pay. Half a month’s salary for Christ’s sake! For what?

Let me repeat this so it sinks in; all this total stranger, thousands of miles away, who may or may not actually be the woman you’re looking at in the profile picture, has to do to get you to pay her bills for the whole frigging month, is say a few nice words and pretend to like you? No sex, no nudity, not even a kiss, just empty words of love? You guys got that much extra money lying around, I’d be more than happy to write you some romantic letters myself or “chat” for a few hours. Hell, at a buck a minute? I’ll even put on a wig, some makeup, and a nice sexy dress!

I’ve talked with many of you over the last few years and I’m reasonably sure I know why you’re carelessly tossing your money away like this. Unconsciously you’re trying to “buy” a woman’s affection or love. I understand, and I sympathize, but then for you to scream SCAMMER! every time a woman accepts your money? It’s not like she took money from your wallet while you were in the shower, you gave her this money willingly, and you spent all that money online just jabbering with her about nothing, all of your own free will. You have to understand that for most the women involved in this questionable online electronic affection business meeting you on the internet is like finding a wallet on the sidewalk, full of cash, with no ID.

Yes I said “No ID.” Because as far as the bad girls are concerned most of you out there are just another face in the crowd. You’re a million miles away, you may or may not ever come to her country, she knows that, AND, something you probably didn’t even consider in a lot of cases this little seemingly harmless online fantasy gives these wonderful unappreciated foreign ladies an opportunity for a little well deserved sexist revenge. Example; do you know what many Latina bad girls in Medellin call their clueless overly generous American boyfriends? They call them; MY gringo ATM.
Tell me fellas, do you really want these women laughing at you? I hope not. Look for a video documentary coming soon to our homepage that my wife is presently translating. It's an amazing story about Latina web-cam gals, and the ludicrous amount of easy cash they're hauling in. Think about it. Most the men in these countries, Russia, Ukraine, Asia South America, treat their women like yesterdays leftovers. They lie to them and cheat on them constantly, they spend little if anything on them- a foreign gal is lucky if her boy friend or husband even remembers her birthday- and the men certainly don’t go out of their way make their women feel special or appreciated. So here is a foreign guy, a total stranger, who not only makes a woman feel good about herself, because he’s willing to spend a month’s pay just chatting with her about nothing, but he also sends her money and buys her gifts and she doesn’t even have to sleep with the guy and…

Tell me fallas, is any of this sinking in? Good.

“So tell us oh great one, what’s the answer?”

Those of you who know me well have heard me preach endlessly about not spending ANY money on ANY of these sites, which admittedly a simplistic catch-all solution to a complicated issue, and because the truth is there are some good honest sites out there. You’ve heard me suggest you just pack your bags and get on a plane and go overseas to meet these wonderful ladies face to face. Like you would in any normal domestic dating scenario. However it’s recently come to my attention that most of you probably have regular jobs, and regular lives, and I have to accept that my personal somewhat irresponsible and spontaneous “I’m outta here…” approach to traveling is simply not practical for most mature men. So what I’ve done is put together the ten commandments of online foreign introductions. Notice I said “Introductions…” because that is a reality we sane men cannot ignore. Like it or not there is no such thing as “Virtual” dating, IT DOESN’T EXIST! It’s a lovely fantasy. The odd illusionary phenomenon of so called online dating is much better explained by a good friend of mine who prophetically says; “Contrary to popular belief, you can’t download a girlfriend or wife…”

The only thing these virtual dating sites are good for is making the first connection with a woman, or a bunch of women, and then flying to their country to meet them. Or not. If you get there and none of the women you were chatting with show up, oh well, go meet some other women. Accept this reality boys about virtual dating, or find another hobby. About 95% of all the online shenanigans you guys are into with foreign women these days is little more than entertainment. Very expensive, very unproductive, very unrewarding, entertainment. Yes you can meet good women online, I know because I’ve met a few good ones myself, but at some point you have to go to the woman’s country anyway so why not just save your money for airfare?

However, if you must be entertained while you’re planning your trip then at least follow these simple rules.

1. THINK VOLUME: Look for sites that charge a flat monthly fee for unlimited communication, and avoid the sites that charge by the e-mail or by the minute for video chat. Too much opportunity for deception on these sites.
2. ASK QUESTIONS: Immediately begin asking every woman you contact lots of questions, if a woman won’t answer, in detail, then pass her up and move on to the next gal. Keep track of all of the women’s answers to your questions.
3. DO NOT BLINDLY TRUST ANYONE: Wait a few days and ask some of the same questions again of the same women and check their answers against what they told you the first time. Look for inconsistencies and immediately pass on any ladies who for some odd reason can’t seem to remember simple details about their own life, or seem to get irritated with too many personal questions. These are usually working gals paid by the minute making money on volume and don’t want to be pestered with details.
4. DO NOT FALL IN LOVE ONLINE: No matter how beautiful or seemingly sincere, or willing, or pliable, or infatuated with you, do NOT focus or obsess on one or even a select few ladies. Think volume, more girls, more girls, more girls, and just keep moving. Always keep it light and casual and no matter what the woman says to you do not for one second allow yourself to believe any foreign woman is falling in love with you online, or you with her. No matter what anyone tries to sell you online you must accept that it is simply not humanly possible to have a REAL relationship with a digital picture and voice.
5. ACCEPT THAT YOU MUST TRAVEL TO HER COUNTRY: The ONLY way to meet these ladies face to face is by going to HER country. Avoid any women who claim they already have a visa and can come to see you. This is one of the most common, and most expensive, online scams as you can bet if you fall for that one sooner or later she’ll be asking you for airfare. Be careless enough to actually send it to her? And she, or he, will usually immediately disappear the moment the money arrives.
6. WATCH OUT FOR DATE BAIT: Avoid contacting any women who pose online in their underwear or even very skimpy revealing bathing suits, or in overly seductive shots on a bed or couch. You know, something that clearly says; “Here I am cowboy, come and get me.” These are almost always totally phony profiles, or “date bait” probably being worked by a company employee. Who in some cases we’ve confirmed may actually be a man! One of the most common “date bait” picture poses is a sexy half naked woman, coyly covering her bare breasts with her hands and forearms. I assure you, if this is even a real woman as opposed to a totally phony profile, for a decent woman, a good girl, to publicly display her body online in such an obviously seductive manner is not considered “proper” behavior in these countries. Also try to avoid any woman who claims to be a “Model” If she truly is a professional model, and many Colombian Latinas are, this is the last woman on the planet you want for a girlfriend and certainly not a wife. She will know she’s hot, she’ll be high maintenance, and make your life miserable. That’s when she’s not flirting with your younger buddies back home.
7. PLAN A TRIP IN THE NEAR FUTURE: The best way to rid yourself of many bad girls or scammers is by telling them you are coming to their city soon. Like next week. The serious women online don’t want a pen-pal they want a real man, in the flesh, while the scammers just want your money. So to find the decent honest foreign women online who are seriously looking for a good man and a long term relationship, you will get a MUCH greater response if you put an arrival date in your first letters telling when you will be coming to her country and city, even if you later change the dates. Actually the men who consistently have the best luck meeting foreign women online? Are the guys who are already in that woman’s country.
8. GET PERSONAL CONTACT INFORMATION: Never for one second lose track of the reality that all these sites are good for, yes even the honest ones, is making that first contact with a foreign woman, and maintaining that contact, so you can meet each other when you get to her country. So if after a few e-mails a woman still refuses to give you personal contact information, or the site won’t allow it, then pass her up. Too many of those evasive mystery gals on the same site and you’re wasting your time and money. This is not a serious dating company it’s just a revenue generating mechanism. And don’t believe for one second the fabricated excuse from her, or the people who operate the site, that it’s not “Proper” or “Safe” for a foreign woman to give out her personal contact information online. Unmitigated hogwash. If she doesn’t give you personal contact info then how are you supposed to meet her???

9. AVOID BEING SINGLE MINDED; NEVER under any circumstance should you go to another country to meet just one woman. I don’t care how long you’ve been writing, or chatting, or skyping, or how much you both think you are in love, you never know for sure which way this will go, for you or her, until the very moment you meet face to face. Always have a backup contingency plan, have at least 15-20 good female contacts in that country, and accept that on a good day 50% of them will not show up. So it’s actually good to have several contingency plans, unless you want to spend your trip alone.

10. NEVER SEND MONEY: This is one of the most important rules of foreign romance and unfortunately the most common one the men ignore. You have to understand that these are very poor countries and many of these unscrupulous women are supporting themselves, and their entire family, including their lazy unemployed husband, and probably giving low interest loans to many of their neighbors, simply by pretending to like foreign men on an electronic affection website. But of course, as you’ll find out the hard expensive way, her love usually lasts only as long as you’re sending money. Taking money from a foreign man is a form of prostitution and I assure you is NOT considered proper in this woman’s society, and the women who do it are not respected. Even if it’s not a lot of cash to you this monetary approach to foreign romance, thinking you have to pay for a woman’s affection, sets a bad standard and causes problems for everyone else. Please don’t do it. And don’t’ allow yourself to fall into the Sir Lancelot syndrome and imagine that by sending money you are somehow rescuing these women from the poverty they were born into. I promise you they did just fine before they met you, and they’ll be fine long after you’re gone.

Hope this answers your questions for you, about meeting a good girl online. I promise they’re out there boys, you just have to put in the time and effort to find them. But once you do? Take it from a happily married guy, your life will never be the same!

Look for my upcoming article on letter writing to get results.

Sincerely

T.B.